“From dreams you wake to shock.”

18 12 2012

Friday evening I left my friends to go to my girlfriends. Before I even get to the core of this, I think I deserve some form of gift for being able to use the tube all by myself and not losing my Oyster card (yet!) I think this is one of my greatest achievements of this year. Anyway, as my friends and I parted at the station (I don’t want to name any of the stations out of respect, and such) one of the women that worked at this station came up to use and asked where we were going. As I told her where I was going, she told me that I couldn’t go as there had been a disruption to the service. As she said this, a man behind her was putting an information board up informing those travelling that someone had taken their life, thus causing a disruption to certain routes. Now, I’ve travelled on trains before where this has happened. Usually an hour or so when everything has been dealt with but with minor delays. But this time, it had just happened. For some reason, it just really got to me.

As I made my way to my girlfriend’s, all I could think about was this person. I don’t know who they were, their gender, name; nothing. I don’t know if things like this are reported. But the unknown just really saddened me. What if this is someone who no one ever knew, and they died  unhappy and alone? What if they had a really shitty day, and all they wanted was for someone to listen? What if normally, they are alright but something awful happened and the thought of carrying on just was too much?

What if it was someone you knew? A loved one? A neighbour? You just have no idea what a person is going through; what is going on in their head. The biggest killer (aside from the media) is the mind. Your mind can sometimes overrule the heart, and you act out of character. We try to act tough, but I think most of us are just vulnerable. I have no problems with admitting I’m sensitive. I will cry at adverts on TV about animals needing help or certain songs causing me to have a mini breakdown. It doesn’t bother me at all. I’d rather be this way than have no emotions at all. I’m not saying I’m unstable; I just know how I feel, simple as really.

Yet some don’t. Some are overwhelmed by certain events or things being said to them that they just cannot carry on no more. The world can be loving, but it can also be the most cruel place. It can welcome you and shun you within a matter of seconds. For every beautiful moment, there’s a nightmare right around the corner.

No one should ever feel like they aren’t good enough or that their problems are insignificant. I don’t see how you can turn your back on someone who just needs someone to listen. You may not be able to cure all, but sometimes a person just wants another person to listen. Free of judgement, full of time.

Of course life is precious, and time can be a drag. But a person’s well-being and their heart are so delicate and need protecting at time. Yes we are all going to face some harsh times in life, but there is good also. I’ve been thinking about this unknown person since Friday, and I don’t know why. Maybe it is because of the time of year, I have no idea. I know how tough and how awful Christmas can be. I hate Christmas for many personal reasons. I understand to some degree.

One thing that bothered me a lot was, as were about to pass through the station where this sad sad event took place, the train driver told us to not look out of the window as we may see something upsetting. I kept my headphones in and looked at the floor. I looked up for a second, and I saw people look out of the window. At this point I started to dislike humanity. Out of respect, they should have just carried on with reading their books or looking at their phones. Anything but look outside. I have no idea if anything was there, nor did I want to know. My thoughts have been with this unknown person ever since this happened.

People do not need a lot to get by. Just a hug with a reassuring gaze can stop someone from feeling worthless and taking their own life. Things take time.

I truly hope that this person is at peace, wherever they may be now. Normally I’d just end this with a few songs but with this, I’ll settle with just the one.

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