“Now then mardy bum….”

14 02 2013

Time drags, fucks you over, fucks you up, is a source of comfort, goes quickly and is a healer. Time can knock you back. Time can leave in awe of all that has happened. Time can mean everything or it can mean nothing. You can spend it wisely, you can be carefree with it. What you do with it is your own decision, but sometimes it rules you. It doesn’t have to always be like that but it just happens.

Time can be cruel. Time can be kind. Like people and the universe. It is good and bad. Separately and at once. I don’t wear a watch and I’m the worst person to ask what the date is. Yet I seem to be early for most things, I get that from my mum. My mum. This is who this is about, you don’t have to read any more if you don’t feel like it.

Two years ago today my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. If cancer was a person, it’d be the kind of person you’d want to punch as hard as you could on a daily basis. I’m not a violent person, but cancer makes you angry. The “why’s” and the “how’s” can consume you if you let them. Or you can be a tough-nut like my mum. I firmly believe she beat it because she wouldn’t let some fuck of a disease beat her. Everyone in one way or another is affected by cancer and the distress it brings. Why is there no cure? Well, that’s a different rant altogether really isn’t it. I don’t know if I have it in me to unleash all the rage towards why there isn’t a solid cure, but hey….like I said, a different rant. Different time.

As much as I class strong women like Shirley Manson and Patti Smith as my role models, first and foremost- my mum is. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have all the positive traits I have. Fortunately I took after her in so many ways. I know I’ll never be the toughest person in the world- it’s not something I ever wish to be now, there’s no point. But I get my strong mind and dedicated heart from my mum. There’s no one else in the world I’d want to be like. No one else at all (although I’d be totally fine if I looked like Alison Mosshart!)

I could quite happily write thousands of words yet feel it wasn’t enough. The main thing is, time has passed. It has dragged, kicked and screamed. It has also gone by really fast. It changes you. The whole thing two years ago changed me, but I’m the only one who noticed (others may say in a negative way, but their view is not only stupid; but it is also untrue.) Time can mould you and break you.

There was no real reason behind this, but I just felt I had to. Not everything in life needs an explanation I guess.

As my mum is the most important person in my life (closely followed by my gran..I won’t list the rest.) I thought I’d just put my favourite Yorkshire bands/singers here as my mum is a Yorkshire lass!

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2 responses

14 02 2013
Paulene Tortasso

Thank you for being my daughter x

14 02 2013
Olivia

Love you mummy! Xxxx 🙂

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