Time can be fascinating and time can be cruel. Time is everything and nothing. A hindrance and a healer. You choose. Sometimes time chooses for you.
I went for a run earlier; I ran for many reasons. I ran for the dislike of my body, and also in the hopes I could find the words to eventually write this. Then I realised, this isn’t being written with anyone in mind. I never care for who reads my words because I know for the most part- no one cares for my ramblings on music. This goes beyond music.
We experience things in our lives where we remember everything in that moment. You try to take as much as you can in; as more time passes you remember smaller details that never really held any meaning. Maybe they mean something now; but maybe they never will.
I was in my room when I was told that Aaliyah I had died. I was wearing my favourite red t-shirt. My close friends at that time knew I was a massive fan of Aaliyah’s- my phone kept going off. What I wished to be a lie turned out to be painfully true. I idolised Aaliyah since the very first time I heard her music in 1995. I wanted to be her. I wanted to dress like her; I guess it is why I was always a bit of a tomboy. Her music was the music relaxing and soulful sound I had ever heard. To never hear her voice ever again was something I couldn’t get my head around. To an extent, I still can’t.
It will never feel right writing about Aaliyah in past tense. I know it never will. I always lived in hope I’d see Aaliyah live and meet her to just talk about her music. I love interviewing musicians, and she is probably the one I will always wish I had the chance to interview. It won’t happen in this lifetime, but maybe in the next one.
A friend I gained through the death of Aaliyah who became like a sister to me, last year designed an Aaliyah tattoo for me. It’s on my bicep and around it is the Warpaint logo. The tattoo means more to me than my other tattoos I have; and what it means to me is something I’ll never have the words for. Sometimes, you don’t need words.
The music Aaliyah made changed R&B music; since her death many have tried to carry on what she did. It never worked. Why? There will never be anyone else quite like Aaliyah. One In A Million, always.