“Walk through the fire,walk ’till it gets light. There is no hiding to save your life.”

23 03 2013

Bad luck happens to us all. It happens to some more than most. Some attract bad vibes, bad people and bad luck. Thing is, what you class as bad luck may seem like something trivial to someone else. This is why you should never measure yourself against other people’s woes. When you do that you start to carry more dislike for yourself because you feel pathetic for feeling a bit silly. It happens, you are human. It’d be much easier if you were an animal wouldn’t it. Or you know, didn’t have any feelings.

Bad luck will catch up to the luckiest of people. Call it what you want, it always does. I think I was pretty shit in my past life because of certain step. One step forward is about 50 backwards. The further backwards you go, the more careful you are when making your next move. So really, it isn’t all so bad. The older I get, the less I find what I am good at. The things I am good at are utterly useful. My brain is like a jukebox, and my limbs are too short. My body fat is decreasing because I basically live at the gym. I don’t think anyone understands how happy I am that I’ve gone down a size or two, and that I can zip up my favourite hoodie..AND THERE IS ROOM. I’m good at losing my body fat; can’t make a living from that can I?! No, I can’t. Me? Do a fitness video? Never. I don’t understand them. Go outside and do stuff.

I had a nap earlier and woke up with hair that resembles Nick Cave when he was in The Birthday Party. Wild. Truly wild. It’s the only thing about me that is. But it’s alright. Some want to conform, I just want to catch up on some sleep. Bad luck.

Bad luck is happening to us all. Some of us ignore the bad and appreciate the good. That’s how it should be. Even with fuck-ups and set-backs. You see people thrive off being utterly miserable. I have my grumpy moments. I have them more than I wish, but it’s only when I am here. When I am with her, everything is just fine. Not grumpy at all. But, it’s just something I must deal with for now. It isn’t bad luck, it’s just a crappy situation. I could be further,  but thankfully I’m not.

Bad luck doesn’t define you. Everything shit that happens to you doesn’t rule you. Just because one person cannot stand you doesn’t mean you are awful. Just because someone feels the need to be awful about you doesn’t mean you have a problem. They’re the ones with the problem. But, we live in a world it seems where having an opinion is a bit lethal. Like you’re not allowed to speak up. If you see someone doing something wrong or harming someone, then fucking speak up because you’d want someone to save you.

Just because you’re carrying around some bad luck doesn’t mean you’ve got to share your negativity with anyone. Explain your troubles, but don’t act like you are the only one with them. I’d write a book but not even I would read the rubbish I write.

Maybe I should just go find a new band to fall for and write about.

Bad luck..just shrug it off, kid.

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“When I die, when I disappear. Leave my bones behind.”

10 08 2012

They’ll bring up your mistakes and make you out to be a on a par with vicious people. That’s what they do. Who are THEY? They can be enemies, friends, families or just wretched fuckers who cannot control themselves. Control. Control. What a broad thing it is, what a pain it is. Self-control is something everyone wants. They want to know what they’re doing, they want to have a grip on it. I;ve accepted I’ll never know what’s going on. I press play, stick my headphones in and hope my favourite song gives me answers. Or hope. Or something. Pray, beg, cry out for a punch in the face because physical pain is easier to deal with than the torment you drag yourself through. I don’t listen to myself, and maybe that’s a bad thing. But if you can make sense of this, then you’re better than I am. A song doesn’t always have to give you the answers though. Sometimes a person can just make you realise that maybe…just maybe, you’re not so bad after all. You love this person with all you have, and more. You’d try to tell them but you’d just sound a bit daft. But you live in hope that they know, and one day realise this. But until then, you listen to songs to send you off into a dream.

Don’t come down from that cloud. Keep your head in them, because the come-down is such a drag. It’s all a drag. But there’s something morbidly euphoric about feeling so low, really low and knowing you can never sink that far down again. I don’t know if I’ve ever hit rock bottom. I think if I did, I wouldn’t tell anyone. There’s only so much ugliness one can show another, right? We hide beauty because we think we’re not good enough. A person can be so perfect for you, but they will claim otherwise. I don’t know how this works. Or maybe I do, and I just don’t want to expand on it.

You see, this euphoric state we all long to be in can be found anywhere. There’s one person that you wish you could look at right now, and feel that way- right? Of course. There’s a song that takes you there. It’s not a lullaby, you don’t want to be swayed until you fall into a wonderful slumber. You want something to hurl you into a different world. Do you want to take someone with you? Everything feels super cosmic and you cannot be touched. The eyes are more powerful than the hands. You can fake a hug, but not a gaze. I fail at staring competitions because I always want to laugh. I want to laugh at everything. Mainly because crying gives me a headache.

Anyway, something can put you on a permanent or temporary high. Some of the best music made gives you that high. No, you don’t need to be off your face on something to feel it. You’ve just got to open your soul and expand your mind. Free yourself, and don’t let a person tell you that you’re worth nothing. Know your own worth, and if you can’t do that- someone will show you.

With love comes kindness. With kindness comes patience. With patience comes anything you wish. Wait.





Albums Of 2011-Part 4.

29 10 2011

I’m starting to think I’ve stupidly create more work for myself, but then again- I’ve got sod all else to do but write so I’ll stop whinging and carry on. This year, a lot of dark, menacing records have come out. I’m going to mention a few of my favourites in this next piece. As much I love music that makes me feel like I’ve collapsed into some kind of trance like state; I adore anything that is dark, bold, cruel and brutal. Maybe it makes up for the fact that I’m stupidly laid back and a semi decent person (I don’t want to say I’m a good/gentle person because I’ll sound like an egotistical twerp.) Right, pointless introduction out of the way.

Anna Calvi-Anna Calvi: I’ve been a fan of Anna Calvi since 2009, so I’ve been waiting for this debut record for a long time. When I first heard her voice, I immediately felt exactly how I felt when I first heard Florence in 2007. That massive dark, grand sound with such a powerful voice just shattered my soul and caused a riot. I had to find anything and everything to do with Anna’s music. Her cover of Jezebel is mind-blowing. The drums at the start followed by the echoes of JEZEBEL!!! It’s so haunting. What I cherish the most about Anna Calvi’s music is how it makes you feel like you are in some warped kind of film. It fucks with your mind and rules your body. Think David Lynch but with a more romantic feel to it. Her music is like being chased through a dark forest, stumbling over scattered twigs and stones. You run and run, but sooner or later whatever is chasing you will probably get you. It’s okay. Her music is so bold and atmospheric. This is music to take a walk in the dark as the fog rules the night sky and you cannot see where you are going. Walking into the unknown whilst listening to something so beautiful yet sinister at the same time. It’s so spooky and eerie. Her voice, when whispered into your ear, causes your body to just shake. You tremble and just turn to mush. Then her huge powerful voice kicks in and your jaw drops. Her guitar playing, oh shit. She is a beast on the guitar. Her music makes you feel like you are on a film set, lurking in the shadows- standing where you shouldn’t be. Seeing things you shouldn’t be seeing. It’s an incredible record and as far as debut records go- Anna really did raise the bar at the start of the year with this one.

CocknBullKid-Adulthood: Another debut album I had been waiting so long for. Worth the wait? Of course. I’ve been a huge fan of Anita’s work for years. I remember first hearing On My Own and just being in awe of her. She was offering something that was so badly needed in the music industry. She cites Morrissey as one of her influences, and it is so clear in her music. She has these wonderful dark lyrics that are cleverly hidden over a cheery beat. I adore Adulthood so much. It touches on the angst and fury of growing up. They say being a teenager is hard- they don’t tell you that being an adult is even harder. This album lets you embrace all the mistakes you may have made in your life. It allows you to be a mess and in a vulnerable state. All of these things are totally okay to feel. Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you HAVE to be secure or stable. People’s high expectations can cause tremendously low self esteem. It’s probably the reason why we sometimes do the things that we do. Hold Onto Your Misery has some gorgeous lyrics, a particular favourite of mine is: “A little cynicism will do you good.”  I had the pleasure of interviewing her last Halloween, it was one of the best interviews I’ve done- she’s just a fantastic person who is so charming, smart and passionate about what is doing. Oh and she’s a fan of Seinfeld, that itself makes her amazing. I remember when Anita was starting out and stupid publications (also ignorant too) were calling her a Grime artist just because of the colour of her skin. The same happened with Santigold when she started out, people were quick to assume she was a rapper just because she’s black. Skin colour doesn’t play a part in the music an artist creates. Fuck, your skin colour isn’t important at all. What I love about Anita is that her lyrics are honest and vulnerable. She doesn’t used pretentious vocabulary in order to make you feel what she is saying. As it comes from the heart, you feel it in yours.

Kurt Vile-Smoke Ring For My Halo: Sticking with dark albums, Kurt Vile put out an exquisite and haunting album this year. Smoke Ring For My Halo has got to be one of the most underrated albums of the year. It just oozes a fuck load of fragilty. The lyrics shoot right into your heart and just make you fall over through sheer pain of feeling every word he sings to you. Baby’s Arms is one of the most gorgeous love songs. It isn’t your traditional love songs though. It’s basically Kurt saying he can’t stand anything or anyone- but the person he loves. We’ve all felt that way. You just feel so disappointed in the world and you want to turn your back on it. Then you fall into the arms and eyes of the one that you adore, and nothing else matters. To some it sounds a bit too much and sickly, but the way Kurt does it is almost in a Tom Waits kind of way. Kurt has this distinctive deep tone that reminds you of artists such as Lou Reeds. He has a bluesy and traditional rock & roll feel to his music. It’s an album that will make you want to throw some clothes and books in the back of car, and make you just drive off somewhere. Pretty much how Blood Pressures by The Kills should make you feel. Just drive on a dusty, desolate road and off into the unknown. Who knows where you’ll end up, the journey will change your life. Kurt Vile is an astounding artist who just tugs and tugs at your heartstrings with his music, but it doesn’t feel forced. It’s a natural thing, and that is why it is easy to embrace this record. It’s exceptional.

Dirty Beaches-Badlands: CANADA! If you were a woman, I would kiss you. Canada, this year you’ve given us some treats. The Weeknd, Feist’s new album and of course- Dirty Beaches. Badlands is a gritty, creepy, passionate record. Lord Knows Best was one of the songs at the start of the year to have truly gripped my heart and kept a secure place there throughout the year. Everything about Badlands is everything I want in a record. Take the track Horses, it sounds like a 60s garage rock track. It’s so amazing. I love this record because it does something to your brain. A lot of records I have loved this year are ones that you play by yourself with no interruptions; Badlands is one of them. I find listening to music a private thing. I wouldn’t ask a bunch of people to come round and listen to the new record by..I don’t know with me. Mainly because everyone I know hates the stuff I listen to. I’m fine with it to be honest. Badlands sends you off into a different place entirely. You feel like you are in the 60s, then you feel you’re back in 2011. It fucks your brain up, seriously but you love it. It is done in a good way- trust me, that can happen. It has a lo-fi feel to it mixed with hints of garage rock. It just merges everything I love into one. This record just makes you want to drink some Whiskey (I’ve never tried Whiskey) and listen to this album whilst sat in a huge, comfy chair. First listen I fell in love with this record- many more listens later, I’m still in love. A solid record that you should probably open your heart and ears to.